muse

Have you ever wondered how people can ever find the urge to kill themselves? To cut themselves?

I do. All the time.

And as now im waiting for the hypothetical axe to fall on my neck, its not hard to see how or why they can.

I remember the pain of last year. The insecurities were felt and when it finally came, the pain was tremendous. It was a wake up call for me.


I admit, at that time, i even thought of suicide. The sweet release of everything.
Everything would be over. No more disappointment. No more anger. No more sadness.
When something you hope for doens't go your way; suddenly you can't see what you have, you only see what's missing.


It's like if i rip a 2cm hole in the mona lisa, you won't see the tremendous artwork that leornado da vinci put in centuries ago. Instead you see that tiny bit of imperfection.

At that point I wasn't afraid of death. Definitely not. I was afraid to live. I was afraid of picking myself up and keep myself going. I had built such great dreams and i was on the brink of fulfilling it with team NJC. And they were shattered.

Again i bet Kang chiang will bitch about how much of an emo boy i am and ask me to snap out it. But hey, emo's been around for ages. It was called angst till the ah bengs couldn;t spell it and called it emo.

emo is just a way of saying fuck you to the world.